How to Stop Being Clingy in a Relationship

Loving someone is hectic. When we are in love, we are vulnerable. We dare to open our hearts and souls to the dearest person, reveling our secrets and weak spots. Love can be healing, but sometimes, it takes a toll on us. Have you ever cared so much of a person, that you were completely unable to think of something, or someone else? Attachment can be so intense, it paralyzes. It’s like your date cast a spell on you. But what if you become feeling needy in a relationship?

What Does It Mean When You Are Clingy?

What does clingy mean in a relationship? Is it bad? You can be called clingy if you hold onto your relationship like it’s a straw in a wind. You cannot let go of a person, for better or for worse. But isn’t it an indication of true love, you ask? If you think that, you’re wrong. Clingy relationships are toxic because we all need a bit of personal space. And when you don’t receive enough attention and affection, you try to receive it at any cost. And manipulation in a relationship is very unhealthy and destructive. Clingy partners can’t bare staying alone, so they probably will annoy their partner with constant phone calls, ask to joy during friend meetings, demand constant attention. A clingy person doesn’t respect personal borders and can’t let their partner have any secrets.

Why Men Can Be Clingy in Relationships with Women?

It’s a misconception that only girls are overly attached to their boyfriends. In reality, men are clingy too. It can be caused by lots of reasons, starting with insecurity to the need of being in control of everything.

Even when dating women online, men manage to show their clinginess by not letting their woman go and do her business. They just don’t know how to avoid being clingy in a long-distance relationship. Soon these girls start avoiding the smothering partner. But what else causes clinginess?

Boredom

Let’s face it, most of us become clingy out of boredom. When we are constantly busy, there is no time to reflect on the relationship issue, thinking about how much or how little someone loves us. If we have nothing better to do, some thoughts roam through our heads. And clingy people always make a relationship their priority, so it would only be fair that all of their fears and nervousness are all about love and perception.

Jealousy

Nobody wants to face lies. So, if your partner is clingy or if you are the controlling one, acknowledge that you have trust issues. Trust is a fundamental notion in every relationship, so if your couple lacks it because of your jealousy, you should work on that. It’s not a good choice to spy on your partner and invent curfews for them because it looks creepy and suspicious at least.

Lack of experience

No wonder you notice signs of a clingy person who doesn’t know how to overcome neediness if it’s their first relationship. It’s hard to trust people. And if your partner or you don’t know any coping mechanisms, as well as low self-esteem and doubts, there is no way you are not going to be clingy. By clinging to our partner, we want to make sure they will never leave or betray us.

Lack of intimacy

And we are not talking about sexual intimacy. If you two don’t have a good talk every once in a while, no wonder one of you is dependent. Where there are mystery and darkness, dark demons of doubt and despair will come. If you don’t know much about your partner or are afraid to ask uncomfortable questions, you might want to control them just to make sure they don’t go off your radar.

Traumas and negative experience

If you have a clingy partner, don’t run away and break up with them just as soon as you notice signs your partner is clingy. You don’t know what might’ve caused this clinginess. What if your partner was betrayed, cheated on, or dumped all of a sudden? And trauma can be caused not only by their previous partners. A loss of a parent, their divorce may also develop a need to cling onto someone.

Signs of a Clingy Person

Many clients of family therapists don’t know how to fix a relationship after being needy. They deal with consequences but were too innocent or kind to notice major signs of clinginess. Remember that it’s better to notice a problem and talk about it right away rather than hide your displeasure and completely ruin your relationship.

1. They stalk on you on social media

A clingy person needs to keep you on their radar all the time. They will check on your Instagram stories, read your Facebook feed and be seriously mad if you don’t reply while being online. Being busy is not an option because they will assume you just don’t want to make time for them. A clingy person always answers you within a minute and triple texts you, especially if you suspiciously haven’t been online for a couple of hours.

2. They no longer have hobbies

You know this kind of people – once they have a partner, they abandon all of their hobbies, friends, skip classes, don’t appear on corporate events anymore. They dedicate 100% of their time to their new passion. And it’s creepy and sad. Making your beloved one a number one propriety will never be in your favor. The more you get attached, the faster they will detach from you.

3. They spy on you everywhere you go

Clingy people have some major trust issues. And why do you think they follow you everywhere? Definitely not to meet your friends or hang out. Clingy people will tag along just to make sure you don’t pay too much attention to the opposite sex. Especially to detect whether there are any beautiful co-workers and friends who are serious competition.

4. Clingy people hate when you leave

Even if your dating is not so serious, a clingy partner will be seriously sad whenever you go get groceries. It seems like their whole life depends on your presence. And God forbid you to spend all weekend with your friends. It will bring your clingy partner hours of itching, nervousness, paranoia, and unlimited sadness.

5. They feel helpless without you

Clingy people will get attention however they can, from pretending to be too weak to open a jar to faking sickness. Clinginess is often toxic, and toxic partners never play it safe. They like to do it dirty, inventing any reason for you to stay with them a little longer. Soon enough you will feel pity for them, treating your partner like a helpless pet. You will be convinced they can’t do anything without you and willingly run to help them. But it’s all a mind game.

6. They hate your surroundings

Clingy people see their partner’s acquaintances as a potential threat. You are a treasure that ensures their safety and stability, and this treasure can be taken away at any time. Clingy partners will never let you like a cute friend’s post, they will try to limit your communication with any sexy, hot, or hardly cute person.

How to Stop Being So Clingy in a Relationship?

Okay, now we know what clingy people look like. But what if you are the clingy one in your couple? And, most importantly, how to stop being needy and insecure in a relationship?

1. Learn how to love yourself

Clinginess comes from insecurity, and insecurity comes from the lack of self-love and self-appreciation. You've got the wrong mindset. You might think, “What would I do without them?” The question you need to ask is, “What would they do without me?” You need to realize that YOU are worthy enough, so THEY should be scared to lose you. Be your priority. Work on your self-worth. Go through a glow-up, perfecting your appearance. Work on your thoughts and intellect. Read self-help books, learn your strength and never think you’re not worthy.

2. Find some hobbies

For you not to think about your partner all the time, you should be constantly occupied. Keep yourself busy with anything, from household chores to courses and training. Find a good job that will make you feel financially stable and secure. Try to find a hobby that is so exciting, you don’t have time to reflect on your self-worth or relationship issues.

3. Find friends

We tend to think we can be easily walked over because of our loneliness. Friends are not only a great company to spend time with, but they are also a good support system that will constantly remind you of your worth and make compliments. Friends will never let you stay sad and lonely if you want to sit and check on your partner. So, if you don’t know how to stop being needy and clingy, just realize that your beloved one probably isn’t the only funny and gorgeous person in the world.

4. Go to therapy

Clinginess is not how we feel all of a sudden, it’s dynamic. And usually, it is caused by trauma. If clinginess doesn’t let you live a normal life and the desire to spy and assume worst things don’t go away, it can be caused by several reasons: anxiety, depression, early childhood trauma you don’t remember but project onto your partner. But if your significant other gave you reasons to be clingy and suspicious, it’s high time for you to visit therapy together to understand how to gain trust again.

If you do not know how to not be so clingy in a relationship, don’t worry, a lot of people are secretly suspicious and overly attached. But if you don’t want to ruin your relationship anymore and cause yourself any more mental trauma, work on this issue as soon as possible! Love yourself, know your worth, and don’t forget to discuss every step with your partner. Be discrete and sincere about your major fears and never lose faith in people!