Important Questions to Ask Before Marriage

If you plan to spend the rest of your life with another person or if you start living together, you need to deal with the controversial issues listed in the article. Do not consider them as reasons to break up because love can become a motivation for you to work your issues through. There is nothing embarrassing about asking questions before marriage. The key thing is that knowing the possible issues in advance, you’ll be able to prevent the disaster and save your union.

Living together before marriage - why it's important?

• To check if you are ready for a real marriage
• To get to know your possible spouse, learn his / her habits

People say that it's easier to stop the romantic relationship than marriage. There are no legal “obstacles”... Many couples say so. However, what do they mean by "learn the habits and see if they can get along?"

What habits are we going to discover? Let’s say, he is throwing socks around the house, and she is snoring at night… Will you break the relationship as soon as you find out about such a habit?

What do psychologists recommend?

Psychologists have conducted a study, which involved about one hundred couples. One part of the participants lived separately before the wedding, and the other one lived together. Psychologists have been monitoring the life of married couples for several years. And here is what happened. Those spouses who lived together before the wedding and had a joint household had frequent quarrels and tended to break up their relationships more often than those who started living together right after the wedding. Why so? The thing is that “premarital family life” has already shown all the shortcomings of the joint existence, so the marriage ceremony fails to become a transition to something radically new. Of course, you are the one to decide how long should you date before marriage, and no study can hold you if you are madly in love.

Having sex before marriage

The study, published in the American Journal of Family Psychology, proved that, in comparison with couples who started sex life soon after they started the relationship, couples who waited till marriage got some benefits. The study suggests that the reason for the higher quality of sex in those couples who decided to wait is their communication skills: they are able to discuss everything with each other. Those who wait learn to understand each other and express themselves more effectively, and this, in turn, becomes the basis for stable and trusting relationships.

I would sum up with the following phrase: don’t have sex with your beloved one, unless you have managed to see, feel and fall in love with his or her soul. If you dive into your sexual whirlpool immediately, perhaps, you will never see and feel the soul of your partner. And such a relationship, in most cases, does not last long.

Marriage counseling questions before marriage

1. Will odds and contrasts that you enjoy in your partner start annoying you in five years?

This is the first one among the great questions to ask before marriage. Romantic relationship is often tricky. At first, you may be attracted by the traits opposite to your own ones. His spontaneity seems exciting because you got used to living according to a plan. Her tendency to relax when going through an easy headache looks great while you continue working even when you are burning up because of some flu. Lifestyle differences, which include time management and working habits, seem exotic and thus attract as at the beginning. However, your own traits can prevail someday. If it happens, the behavior that seemed nice and lovely to you will start irritating.

2. What means do you use to handle stress?

Here is the second out of important questions to ask before marriage. How does your partner react when he gets into a traffic jam? Does she look irritated and mean when she does not get enough sleep? What if his relative had sudden health problems?

When a couple starts seeing each other, you both try to behave in an exemplary way. However, this way you make it difficult or even impossible to realize how your partner handles stress or how the one reacts to pressing circumstances. Trust me, you will have plenty of them during the next ten or twenty years. It is crucial to understand your behavior and attitude to stressful environment. Do you ignore it or do you work it through together?

3. How does your partner feel about drugs, alcohol, and gambling?

Addiction questions to ask in a relationship before marriage are vital for your happy marriage. Of course, a predilection for drugs and gambling can arise suddenly. But in most cases you can foresee the potential addiction, even though often we are afraid or do not want to see it. When we are young, night clubs, drinks and crazy parties seem to be cool. When you have children, a union with a true party-addict will no longer feel normal or exciting. It is the third question in the list of questions to ask yourself before marriage.

Analyze your partner’s behavior. The sooner you see one’s possible addictions, the easier it will be to cease them.

4. How do you get along at home?

Here goes the next one on the list of questions to ask before marriage. Imagine your partner to be nothing but a close neighbor. How well would you get along? Do you agree on the height of your fence? How do you solve issues like loud music, barbeques, pets, and guests? Who keeps bills? These ones are prosaic, but very serious issues.

5. Do you want to have children?

Let's say both of you hardly imagine being a parent of two kids. But what would you feel if your partner was absolutely sure about having only one child? What if you run into infertility? Will you try to get pregnant in any other way or will you adopt a child from the orphanage? You need to dive deep and learn all the details.

6. Do you talk a lot about your relationship with others?

This is another significant one among questions to discuss before marriage. In the beginning, it is okay to discuss experiences with fellows and family. Marriage changes everything. Therefore, it is crucial to know whether it will be considered treason if the wife talks about sexual issues to her friend or if the husband asks his mother for advice.

7. What is your response to conflict situations?

This is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage. Learn the styles of a conflict in your pair. Perhaps someone is always open to reconciliation? And someone does not stop arguing until he or she feels better emotionally? What can you do about it? How would you help the quarrel to cease? Healthy relationships involve sincere and polite communication, without manipulations, harassment, and humiliation.

8. Do you get along with your partner’s family?

No one asks you to love his or her relatives. But it is important to know that your partner is satisfied with you all get along. Discuss whether they will help you raise your kids or not. Agree on how often you want to see them. Is it okay to ask your relatives to support your young family financially? Fights with relatives often happen during the preparation for the wedding. Take them as your golden experience and learn from it to prevent such situations in future.

9. Do you hope that your partner will change?

Do not expect your partner to start a new life with new habits right after the wedding. Having kids, household, bills or living together will not change anything unless your partner wants it. Take your time. Well, some things will change, but it is not you who should initiate the change. If you are ready to live your life together, get used to what one is.

10. How do you feel about money?

Financial questions to ask your partner before marriage are essential for your relationship. Different views on family budget and other financial matter may influence you relationship more than you can imagine. What matters here is do you want to have savings, how do you feel about borrowing and lending money, etc. Talk over these issues sincerely and politely, and your union will become even closer.

11. How much free time do you require?

Each of you has a different need for privacy and interaction with friends. If the couple has a tolerating and honest relationship, the lack of private time will not become an obstacle. Of course, if one of you spends the night hanging out with friends, the other one is staying at home, and you do not want to analyze the issue, sooner or later the offenses will come out and cause a big fight.

12. What is your attitude to your partner’s job?

Let’s say, your beloved’s job is highly important and feeds the bigger part of the family budget or is a potential pot of gold. What would you do if one of you lost the job? Who will make money, and who will stay with children? What if you get a promotion or feel that you want to change you career significantly, or want to get a degree? If the solution you imagine is similar to the one your partner imagines, you have nothing to worry about. If not, you should learn to respect your partner’s needs and desires.

13. How close can your partner be to friends or strangers?

Think about it, will it be okay for you if the beloved sends emoji to a female colleague while you are going to bed? What will you feel if she is seeing her ex without warning you? Each couple must set some reasonable limits. If you pretend to be satisfied with your relationship, it will only increase the sense of betrayal.

14. Do you plan on living together?

Most people already have an idea about where they would like to settle. They may want to live in the city, in their childhood town or where their parents live. And there is nothing to worry about if one adjusts to another. However, if you have an image of a perfect place to settle, and your partner does not want to decide anything on that matter, you are heading to a huge conflict, if not a battle.

15. The importance of good and healthy appearance?

I saw many couples who were bad at overcoming facial or body modifications. The most popular problems are weight, surgeries, skin, hair, age deformities, etc.

Ideally, you have already seen each other in the most unattractive looks before marriage. But what if your appearance or appearance of a spouse will go through a significant modification? Should you discuss the modifications or ignore them? Do you want your partner to discuss potential modifications with you in advance? What will it be?

16. Are you sexually happy?

Some couples start their intimate relationship only being married to each other. Well, even if you are among those couples, it is essential to determine the role of sexual life in your relationship.

Most couples set their sex preferences before marriage. Sometimes sex feels so good that they forget to answer some very important questions. For instance, how will they react if sex becomes pale? Do you watch porn? Can you see porn as a way out? Who initiates sex and are you okay with it? Does your partner use sex to manipulate?

What questions to ask before marriage?

• Will odds and contrasts that you enjoy in your partner start annoying you in five years?
• What means do you use to handle stress?
• How does your partner feel about drugs, alcohol, and gambling?
• How do you get along at home?
• Do you want to have children?
• Do you talk a lot about your relationship with others?
• What is your response to conflict situations?
• Do you get along with your partner’s family?
• Do you hope that your partner will change?
• How do you feel about money?
• How much free time do you require?
• What is your attitude to your partner’s job?
• How close can your partner be to friends or strangers?
• Do you plan on living together?
• The importance of good and healthy appearance?
• Are you sexually happy?