Signs of Abusive Relationships and Why You Should Avoid Them

Probably the main reason why women stay in abusive relationships is that their neglecting partners can be really charming. Such “loving” partners might appear super confident, ultra attentive and mega sweet while they are filled with that intoxicating energy which helps them keep a woman on the leash.

Having put everything on it, we settled our personal goal to ensure that every person regardless of gender is provided with some sort of a complete course teaching young inexperienced personalities how to define the types of abusive relationships and escape the sad fate of ending up completely used and morally exhausted.

The main point is that, sadly, we are not usually taught to look the truth straight in the eye and search for the steady and rational romantic partners who will take their time to get to know us, including all our personal issues and drawbacks. Just the opposite - we devotedly believe that crazy love and loyalty are ideal. Personally we are convinced that exactly the twisted concept of true love is what usually lures both women and men into the unhealthy relationships damaging their expectations and romantic experiences. So why do most men and women in abusive relationships often turn to be absolutely helpless and can’t quit such romantic experience once and for all?

Why do people stay in abusive relationships?

Okay, you are a person who has never experienced an unhealthy relationship and that actually makes you wonder why most people can’t simply leave their toxic partners. The fact is, they simple do not understand (or pretend to) that the breakup may be far more difficult than it might seem.

Traditionally, women are more likely to become the hostages of such situation, but we usually overlook many men in abusive relationships struggling hard to free themselves from their venomous lovers. In any case, if you got a friend or just a person you care about stuck in the abusive relationship, you will be able to support him/her by understanding why some people simply can’t escape their abusive relations.

1. Motiveless fear. An individual is simply afraid of what might happen once he/she decides to leave the abusive relationship.

2. Believing this is okay. An individual may not be aware of what a true healthy partnership is like, as a result of being raised in an environment where conflicts and abuse was a totally normal thing and, thus, he/she may not even suspect their relationship is unhealthy.

3. Shame. It may often be extremely difficult for a person to admit he/she is being abused. Such person can feel like he/she has done something awfully wrong and actually deserve being punished. Another possible variant is that such people may also be afraid of the judgment their relatives and friends may bring upon them.

4. Lack of self-appraisal. When your offensive partner constantly drives you down blaming for everything what happens around, it can make the victim believe all the statements and be convinced that the main cause of the abuse is actually their fault.

5. Love. It happens so often that the victim of home abuse might even feel love for his/her brutal partner. Or perhaps the children can be the main reason a victim wants to save the family. Abusive people are usually over charming, especially at the early stages of a relationship, making a victim hope his/her lover will eventually change. Yet, such people rarely to never change.

6. Cultural reasons. Traditional culture and religious beliefs may be strongly supported by a person’s family and relatives, so they might order him/her to stay in a relationship rather than putting an end to it using the fear of bringing shame and disrespect upon his/her family as a major lever of influence.

7. Any other barriers. If a person happens to be an immigrant or simply does not know the language spoken in a country, he/she might fear to report the abuse as it may potentially affect their current status. And if language is the barrier, it can often be hard to express the main problem of the situation to others.

8. Money issues. The financial aspect can be an answer to “why do women stay in abusive relationships?” An individual may simply become financially dependent on his/her cruel partner. With neither money, nor a place to seek help in, it will be impossible for a person to escape the relationship. The condition of total helplessness can be utterly inescapable if a person lives with his/her abusive significant other.

Signs of abusive relationships

Unfortunately, a great deal of the first signs of emotionally abusive relationships is something that is frequently mistaken for the real love and passion. In this way, below we’ve compiled some of the main indicators that you might be in “love” with somebody potentially abusive.

1. Attention-bombing. Abusers are known to be using the method of “love-bombing” to conquer excessively compliant personalities. Such people are always full of sweet words and compliments and usually offer tons of attention when attempting to win somebody’s heart. He or she will tell you’re the best person he/she has ever met, that you are the one and only and all other stuff to put your attentiveness to sleep. All in all, having caught you in the compliments nets, your partner can be absolutely sure he/she got you in full.

2. Monitoring 24/7. At first it might seem alright and obvious your lover wants to know simply everything about you. And while the usual interest is always okay, invasions in your private life are not. Why aren’t you at home? What are you doing? Who are you with? How can I be sure you’re not cheating on me? Who was that guy/girl you were talking with? Do you know him/her? These are all abusive relationships signs. Recognize any of them? Anyway, do not hesitate to say no. Firmly say your privacy must be respected and then pay attention to your partner’s reaction.

3. Gradual isolation. We all tend to go deep into the love cave sometimes. But sooner or later we come out showing off our happy relationship. One of the major signs of mentally abusive relationships is when your significant other tries to limit your meetings with friends and behaves in a possessive manner towards you when they are around. If you miss your friends and he/she does not encourage you to meet with them, it becomes a real problem. Abusive partner will always try to isolate you from the closest people to make himself/herself the only one you can trust.

4. Countless “should’s” and “should not’s”. Constant comments on how you should/should not dress up, cut your hair, which hobby you should have, how you should act are the signs of emotionally abusive relationships indicating that your significant other believes he or she knows better how you need to live your life. Such attitude will be increasing on and on until you will no longer recognize the old you.

5. Jealousy. An abuser will keep reassuring you need him/her only. Such “loving” partner will create situations in order to make you jealous or that your romance is under threat. You might constantly listen to his/her made-up stories about somebody else pursuing your partner, just to keep you there. They feed on you feeling insecure and will use every chance to prove you were blessed to have such an ideal partner.

6. Growing conflicts and fights. The only thing abusers truly love is to test how much you can possibly bear. They usually start out with insignificant arguments to see how long it will take you to forgive them. But over time, all the minor conflicts will grow into full-scale battles. The common element of those “trials” is that they mostly make no actual value. Still, you won’t be able to puzzle out what you have done wrong and why you need to apologize.

How to leave an abusive relationship?

It is always easy to get involved in it, yet leaving emotionally abusive relationships is something not everybody can manage to do. These relationships can be harsh and abusive in many ways, but eventually, abuse tends to boil down to control. So, if your partner shows cruelty with you, be prepared to breach this cycle of violence with the help of the following tips on overcoming abusive relationships.

1. Seek for a person you can trust. First of all, if you happened to be in this situation, mind that leaving abusive relationships can be difficult and sometimes even dangerous. However, that doesn’t mean you have to do it alone. Of course you got at least one trusted person you can always confide things that worry you. It can be either a friend, family member or even a local authority, somebody who will be able to support you in your decision. Tell that someone what you have to go through and ask for help from outside.

2. Cut off the abusing partner. If an abusive partner notices you trying to break out, he/she will take every opportunity to get back into your good graces. Usually, by promising to change. No matter how convincing your partner may sound, you shouldn’t trust him/her. Be brave enough to cut off the interaction with this individual.

You might also feel certain pressure from people around trying to persuade you to forgive your abuser. Keep in mind that genuine forgiveness must be done for your sake, not anybody else’s.

3. Build your supportive community. Before you accomplish your escape, remember to surround yourself with those who will treat you with lots of true love and care, so it can help you realize you definitely deserve to be treated much better.

Make new friends. Communicate more. Especially if your partner appears to be isolating you from the outer world. Creating new connections will help you become more self-confident and appreciated. Join a club or even create your own. Communicate more with people sharing your interests as it can be helpful in fighting the stress of a breakup.

4. Reach out for professional help. Recovering from emotionally abusive relationships is incredibly difficult and painful. Almost 84% of domestic abuse victims show symptoms of various disorders caused by stress. What’s more, it might lead to depression and anxiety. Do not be embarrassed to visit a domestic violence agency, which can refer you to professional counselors and therapists. Another possible option is to contact a domestic violence hotline operating in your country. It provides trained specialists to listen to your problems and help you brainstorm the ways to deal with the issue.

5. Be sure the abusive relationship was not your fault. Unfortunately, there is a quite common misconception that some of us might “deserve” ending up in abusive relationships or were simply “asking for trouble.” That’s so lame, don’t you think so? No matter what you have done or haven’t, you deserve to be treated with all due respect and dignity. Abuse can never be your fault.