Top Signs of Manipulation in a Relationship

Any person has a set of feelings that can resonate strongly during a targeted attack on them. Each of us has our own set of defense mechanisms against attempts at manipulation, but we also have a weak spot – if someone picks it up with special techniques, then stress is inevitable. And, as you know, when we have stress, we are weak and can be controlled by others. As you might guess, many people very effectively use manipulation for their own purposes. Of course, no one wants to be led and dependent, so you need to know these tools. So, what is manipulative behavior in relationships and how to detect it?

What You Need to Know About Manipulation in a Relationship

Manipulation is a psychological technique that is used to get what you want without taking into account the interests of a partner. The essence of the technique is to push your opponents to the result you want to get by your own actions so that people think that they are performing these actions solely on their own will. It is possible to learn how to manipulate people. Some believe that it is even simple enough, however, like any other skill, manipulation takes time and constant improvement.

Psychologists reveal two forms of manipulation in relationships.

• Positive. This kind of control and manipulation in relationships includes the impact based on mutual understanding and romantic feelings. With this type of influence, a person gently and without haste pushes another to the result he or she needs. This type of manipulation can sometimes bring a lot of pleasure to partners. For example, by such actions, men and women try to “please” each other to get something more.
• Negative. It includes actions aimed at the realization of a person’s desires without taking into account the desires and goals of a partner. This kind of manipulation in a relationship can be called egoism in its pure form. A person, in fact, is a tool that another person uses without giving anything in return. Such a format of relationship doesn’t imply a continuation of a relationship since a victim can quickly understand that he or she is simply used by a partner and end all relations with an egoist.

Actually, relationships with a manipulator are a serious threat. Women more often get into manipulators’ traps, although sometimes it happens the other way around. For simplicity, consider this phenomenon on the example of a woman-manipulator and a man-victim. Any man who has what a woman-manipulator wants to take away can become her victim. It is not easy to recognize manipulator’s true intentions. She carefully disguises them under exaggerated care and admiration. She will do everything so that the victim feels like a real man at the very beginning of a relationship. Letting his guard down, she will begin to destroy his social ties. Why does he need someone else if he has already met “the best of women”? A woman shatters his emotional state with her sudden actions, convincing that he is completely incapable without her. She will justify her actions by concern for his well-being. However, such care can bring to the clinic of neurosis if the man doesn’t recognize the intentions of the manipulator in time. You shouldn’t reassure yourself with the thought that you are strong and clever, and this will not happen to you. That is what she needs. The manipulator is looking for an exclusive resource – a partner who is full of life energy. Otherwise, she will simply have nothing to parasitize on.

How to Spot Manipulation in Relationships?

Here are the 7 most common signs of manipulation in a relationship.

• Everything starts perfectly

At first, everything is always wonderful. A manipulator is pleasant and charming. This person shows you that he or she is heartfelt and understanding, and you can always talk about all your joys and sorrows and share your problems. In the end, this person convinces you of this. And then, he or she begins to use your openness and gullibility and includes a mechanism of manipulation. A manipulator fascinates you, tempts and tames you slowly. This is one of the most obvious signs of being manipulated in a relationship.

• Manipulators make you feel guilty without obvious reasons and motives

These people always pretend to be victims. Usually, they resort to the same technique, telling sad stories from their lives. This technique helps them make you feel at ease when trying to fulfill their demands or even requests.

• They will always find a way to get out

It’s very simple. For example, a manipulator did something that was not very good or not very correct, but he or she would always find a way for you to be guilty of the fact that it happened. For example, if you found a person talking on Skype with an ex, then instead of apologizing or explaining in any way, the manipulator would try to turn the situation around. Such a person will accuse you of spying on him/her, that you don’t respect his/her personality and it will be terrible to get angry about it. These people will surely make you feel it is your fault that this situation has arisen and, most likely, will come out of it with impunity.

• They become the “judges” of your life

Being manipulated in a relationship, you will notice how manipulators turn into your spiritual mentors. They will always tell you how you should live, what to do and what to avoid. They will always try to take over your mind, give advice and come up with philosophical theories. But you must understand that the ideal person is not the one who constantly tells you what you should do, but the one who is next to you in time to give a hand and support you when it is needed.

• They criticize everything that you do

How to spot manipulation in relationships? It is very easy! Look, sarcasm is the best weapon of manipulators. They will never criticize you directly, but they will always do it using ridicules, exaggeration of your sins or diminishing your merits. Manipulators want the other person to always feel unhappy. This is their “recharging battery.”

• As a rule, they are always eloquent

Manipulators have an excellent ability to express their thoughts and, if necessary, instantly change the subject of conversation. They usually talk about everything. And if you start trying to object and present arguments, then, as a rule, a manipulator will never enter into polemics. He or she will just change the subject. Moreover, the principle of “the best defense is offense” works great for the manipulator. After sorting things out, you will try to refute the unfair accusations of the person.

• They use sophisticated threats

A threat is one of the tactics that every manipulator usually uses. This happens when they want to prevent an undesirable outcome, which may occur as a result of your actions. The manipulator will simply threaten you that this will have disastrous consequences for you.

If you are close to a person who has exactly this behavior, then you can be sure that you are dating a manipulator. You probably think that he or she will change, but it is not. A manipulator will never do anything to change. You must understand that the manipulator will ultimately completely subordinates you. If you are sure that you are able to resist these manipulations, then, first of all, you must learn to determine the techniques that are used by manipulators.

Manipulation Techniques in Relationships

Statistics show that up to 2% of people manipulate a partner in a relationship. A loved one often simply doesn’t notice it and forget about own needs and desires. Disconnecting from a manipulator, it will not bring relief immediately. For a long time, there will be a feeling of affection, guilt, a desire to take care of a partner, support. At times, the connection is so strong that it requires the help of a specialist to break it completely. But if you notice these or other techniques of emotional manipulation in a relationship in time, you will be ready for the possible development of events and will have time to prepare for them. The main manipulation techniques in relationships are the following.

• Humiliation

This type of manipulation is very insidious and despicable in its essence. It concludes in allusions to the unattractiveness of a person (comparison with others, underlining shortcomings), lack of such a sharp mind as the “smart and perfect” manipulator has, and so on. As a result of such manipulations, a person will even be afraid that a partner will leave him or her.

• Full ignorance

One of the most common relationship manipulation tactics is ignorance a partner. It acts absolutely on all people. However, the danger of such a method lies in the possibility of “playing around” – a person begins to ignore a loved one all the time without seeing boundaries.

• Sex

Such manipulation tactics in relationships are permissible only in a couple that leads an active sex life, and partners constantly want each other. If sex is rare, it will not be possible to manipulate the partner by rejecting sex.

• Motivation by fear

This is one of the most favorite types of manipulation in relationships. It means to force people to make a decision not in their own favor and scare them well enough. A victim will do everything to play it safe. “You will never see me if ...,” “I can break up with you even now, so decide...”

• Playing at low self-esteem

If people have an inferiority complex, then it is easy to manipulate their lives, find the weak spots, and then back up success, putting victims in an awkward light right in front of everyone. A manipulator can even impose the thought like, “You are nobody without me,” “You are not capable of anything,” and so on. The main thing is to make a person believe in these thoughts.

• Guilt feelings

Men rarely use this method, but it is true for women, although, there are guys who speculate on the pity of others. The best way to control the actions of another is to place all responsibility for what is happening on someone else. The main thing is not to give a victim time to come round and speak out in defense. When a manipulator wants to have power over the situation, he or she just offends and blames a person, “I tried so hard, and you ruined everything,” and so on.

Manipulation in relationships rarely ends with something good because one person is subordinate to the will and desires of the second one. However, knowing the technique of protection, you can avoid this, talk to the person, and find out the contradictions. Noticing manipulation, don’t seek to immediately break up – perhaps a partner doesn’t do it purposely. Remember, just finding out everything carefully and keeping calm, not giving in to emotions, you can make the final decision. Try to build the sincerest relationship with a person you love.