What Is Negging and How to Respond to It

Do you still think that the way to conquer a girl’s heart lies through compliments and nice words? Then we bet you haven’t heard about the latest dating trend called negging. Why do some people are pathologically negging their beloved? Why do other people use it purposely? How to spot negging and cease it forever? This article will respond to all of your questions.

negging examples

What Is Negging?

Negging (from the word "negative") is a way of treating and manipulating when a person tries to attract attention with veiled taunts. While the victim is figuring out how to respond to negging and controversial compliments, the manipulator takes advantage of this disappointment and engages a person in a conversation. The phrases used for negging in a relationship must necessarily be contradictory and ambiguous, for example, "You are so skinny, do you have health problems?" or "Your new dress is wonderful, but this is absolutely not your color." The essence of this strange method is to cause confusion, and in this situation, the standard answer will unlikely help the girl get off. So, while she will be thinking about a counterattack, the man that uses such tactic will continue to advance.

To define negging in other words, by using offensive double-twisted compliments, you make your victim lost and lull. After all, the person thinks a woman has to be grateful for nice words, but when she spots the hidden meaning, she will try to prove you are wrong. And this is what the manipulator was intending for. By throwing not so nice remarks at the woman, he expects that she will start to defend herself to continue the conversation. And it means she has taken his bait.

It would seem that a message that contains both a compliment and a hint of a flaw should cause not the most pleasant emotions. Nevertheless, every day we spot to see more and more victims and examples of negging. The point is that there is a large number of insecure people who take any refusal, even from a stranger, close to heart.

A somewhat aggressive way of dating is just a defense mechanism. In case of refusal, it helps to pretend that these relationships were not even desirable and stay cool. Therefore, if you hear a compliment like, “You are beautiful, regardless of your big nose,” you can be sure that such a person has problems with their self-esteem. And in an uncomfortable situation, they are likely to turn any of their words into a bad joke.

Why Negging Is Bad?

A mentally and psychologically healthy man competes with other men for the attention of a woman he likes, but not with a woman herself. Because women are physically weaker and have a different mindset, they are simply more emotional. Neggs are a common thing for men to use in communication with each other, they provoke each other to compete. A fighting spirit develops a man, unlike negging a girl.

negging a girlThis passive aggression is normal neither in the male world and during communication with other men, nor towards a woman. Because no one deserves to be insulted.

A man allowing himself to be negging women is a destructive individual. Because constant negative remarks kill femininity, a woman receiving insults becomes more and more nervous and insecure. That is why no man respecting himself should use negging. What is more, the easiest way to increase your self-esteem is to humiliate the one who is weaker than you. But this game is not fair. Any person, regardless of gender if they have healthy self-esteem and dignity, protects the dignity of another person. Such a person never says anything offensive to people who don't deserve bad treating.

Negging, however, is deliberately derived psychological method. So, if a person humiliates another in order to feel better, he/she has visible psychological problems and should turn to a professional for help. And it doesn’t matter whether a manipulator uses this tactic to reach certain goals or negging takes place subconsciously, this is not healthy behavior. If toxic relationships with a man, showing all signs of negging, become serious, they are very dangerous and can result in a woman becoming insecure and acquiring psychological complexes.

As a result, next to the man will be a nervous woman, who has activated and intensified complexes. And he will lose interest in her.

Plus, she will not only eat her heart out with her uncertainty, but she will also start exhausting him with her uncertainty. In the end, a man will leave, and a woman, at best, will come to the psychologist's office. I would recommend a woman to run away from such a man. AND! Before you go into a relationship, deal with those complexes that not only bring you into a relationship with such men but also generally provoke you to respond to the negging with disputes and excuses.

How to Spot Negging?

When a man meets a woman he likes, but he considers her better than he is, he behaves according to one of these three patterns.

1. Never even tries to start a relationship with her. He can be guided by pragmatism which says to him that this woman will probably love him only for his money, or he is led by the fear of not coping with her high demands.

2. He starts a relationship and humiliates her in every way possible in order to feel better. Such psychological tyrants are definitely traumatized men with low self-esteem. These couples are bright examples of negging a person you love to increase your self-esteem. We are going to talk about how to spot negging and a toxic partner below.

3. The last, and probably the best, way for a man to behave is to challenge himself and find ways to meet this woman’s needs. This type of men just set a goal, develop themselves and try to fit the target of their dreams. As a result, they achieve a lot. But when it comes to the second type of behavior, the trick why negging works lies precisely in the original controversial message used to suppress. Such a remark seems to be a compliment, but it quickly turns out to be an insult. A great example of passive aggression is, "You are so beautiful that even your lack of style is not so noticeable." And how to react to this? Ladies lose resistance, and it seems that they are not even opposed to engaging in dialogue in order to understand what exactly was meant. Here it is very important not to cross the line between the “dubious compliment” and outright rudeness. That’s why people who use such practice happen to be sociopaths, as they have to feel the slightest changes in human’s psychology.

Does Negging Work on Guys?

It is worth saying that both men and women can be the initiators of negging. A woman can insult and psychologically suppress her partner. The thing is, negging is about mental offense, not psychical, so any gender can become a victim of it. Negging a man can include denying his achievements in life, at work or at parenting. Limiting his communicating with friends, saying that everything he has to succeed in was due to her help, and he is worthless on his own. As any other form of traumatizing people, negging is a destructive sign of toxic relationships, just slightly veiled.

Starting acquaintance with insults and humiliation is unhealthy. Pointing on the faults of a stranger is not polite, as well as playing with someone else's insecurity is mean. If a victim realizes it and counters attacks a negging pickup artist, they can try to compensate their assaults by inviting you for a coffee or even making expensive presents. So, the second sign of negging, after the double-twisted nature of remarks of such person, is him/her trying to compensate.

Even from a subconscious point of view, you can feel uncomfortable in a company of such a person. You will constantly do your best to reach their approval and notice that the more you develop, the more you get assaulted. Because a manipulator doesn’t intend to stimulate you or inspire for personal growth. They want you to lose your personality and follow their demands.

negging womenAnother sign of negging is choosing a particular target. People who use this psychological approach try not to cling to calm and self-confident ladies. Instead, they stick to humiliating those who are weaker and insecure, they are an easy catch for them. It is worth distinguishing what is negging and simply unsuccessful compliments of a man who sincerely wanted to say something pleasant. Alas, it happens often as well.

How to Respond to Negging?

A compliment containing criticism can make you feel humiliated and insulted. First of all, such a statement should not be taken personally - this is how you will be able to control the situation, not agreeing to the rules of the hapless pickup artist's game because they are just waiting for you to hesitate. Calmly inform the man that you don't consider this compliment appropriate, you can even ask him to explain the meaning of the doubtful statement. Most likely, after such words, it will be the turn of the unskillful manipulator to be embarrassed and justified. If he starts explaining his attack, it is best to say goodbye to that person right away, without engaging in further discussions with him. By maintaining self-control and self-esteem, you will not allow a man with low self-esteem to feel more confident due to your humiliation, so the best reaction to the negging will be your calmness and indifference.

Examples Of Negging

Criticism, depreciation of the appearance, personal attitudes, behavior, achievements are the main attributes of negging. If you notice an example of negging like one of those below, it is better to cease communication with such a person.

  • "In general, your outfit isn’t bad, but you shouldn’t wear such style of clothing."
  • "Your friend is more beautiful, but you are kinder, and I like the good ones."
  • "You are pretty smart as for a philologist."
  • "This shirt is wonderful, but I don’t think this is your style."
  • "You remind me of my grandma."
  • "Wow, is your hair natural?"
  • "Great results! Maybe in a few months, you will have the same marks as your sister."
  • "Your childhood friends are already married."
  • "My brother is in good shape, why don’t you ask him for some advice."
  • "Your essay was terrible, of course, the subject was just too difficult for you."
  • "Oh, common! You are too sensitive."
  • "I would better not joke at you, you completely lack a sense of humor."
  • "Oh, are you going to eat all of this yourself?"

As you can see, negging can come from a school teacher, a partner, friend, or even parents. The thing all of these comments have in common is trying to put somebody down in a hidden form. The majority of them has a direct negative message. Some people just cannot stand other’s success, or they can increase their self-esteem only by pointing on your weak sides. The best way to cope with this is to stay calm and limit the presence of such people in your life as much as possible. Because they won't change!

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