What Is Stashing Dating and How to Avoid It

Dating is a prelude to serious relationships when everything happens for the first time. First kiss, first night together, first admission of love, and so on. But it’s also time for unpleasant surprises. For instance, you may notice that your “first times” list is missing a couple of important events, like meeting your date’s close friends or family. And if it’s been a while since you began seeing your partner, then we have some bad news for you: you’ve probably become a victim of stashing dating.

stashing dating

What is stashing dating?

So, what is stashing dating? Well, the best definition of this phenomenon sounds like this: your significant other hides your relationship from others. She/he doesn’t want to introduce you to her/his friends, loved ones, or colleagues for some reason. This also applies to social media. No joint events or photos. In other words, your companion puts you in the imaginary closet where no one can see you.

Though most internet users label stashing as a new online dating trend, it’s pretty old. We’ve been hiding our loved ones, lovers, and even spouses from certain people for centuries. The only reason why we began to pay so much attention to it is growing publicity of our lives. That’s why it’s so easy to notice that your companion stashes you.

Signs of stashing

In case you don’t know how to tell if your significant other doesn’t want to show you to the world, here’s the list of sure signs.

No changes in her/his social media life. Let’s say, your companion lives a quite active social media life and doesn’t involve you in it. Why? Why is there no place for your joint pic on her/his Facebook account? If she or he has enough time to write a post about some new movie, why is it so hard for her/him to make up a few words about your relationship?

Your partner doesn’t want to go out. If your companion has nothing against going out with friends but doesn’t want to go out with you, it’s definitely a sign. She/ he might even hide it behind phrases like “I just want to devote all my time to you.” Anyway, if your significant other is a social person, consider yourself stashed.

Your partner no longer hangs out in places she/he likes. We all have our favorite spots, like bars, malls, cafes, restaurants, etc. If you know that your companion likes going to one of these spots regularly, but she or he never takes you to it, it’s a sign of stashing in dating.

what stashing dating is Why it happens

There are a lot of reasons why your partner may be hiding you from others. Here are the most common ones.

Shame. It’s actually possible that your significant other both likes you and is afraid to introduce you her or his social circle. Maybe your partner thinks that you’re not smart enough for her/his college friends. Or she/he may think that you have a bad taste for clothes. Yeah, that’s harsh, but a great number of people aren’t ready to show their companions to the world because they’re ashamed of them.

Other relationships. Dating and stashing go hand in hand for another important reason. There’s a possibility that your companion dates someone else besides you, and she/he doesn’t want this person to see your pics on her/his social media account. This can ruin everything.

Fears. There are those who stash their companions out of fear. Sometimes they are afraid of being judged for having an untraditional relationship. Or they fear that the partner may develop feelings to one of their friends. So they keep their dates a secret.

All this is just an accident. Maybe your partner had no intention of stashing you in the first place. She/he may not be an active Facebook user or may not have friends. Maybe she/he is just an indoor person. In other words, your relationship may feel like stashing while being completely normal.

Where it comes from

1) Lack of prospects for relationship development

That’s the first point from where stashing in a relationship may come from. If your companion sees everything that’s going on between you as nothing but a small affair, this also can be a perfect explanation why she/he doesn’t want to let you into her/his life completely. And since there are no prospects for further development of your relationship, your partner won’t post any of your joint photos online (if you have such photos, anyway).

2) Possessiveness

If your significant other is really concerned about the possibility of losing you, this can also push her/him to hiding you from her/his friends. There’s always someone who is more attractive than you, and if the girl or guy you’re dating gets the feeling that you may fancy some of the people from her or his circle more, they may think twice before introducing you to them. And that’s what stashing dating is.

3) Lack of friends

Check your partner’s Facebook page. How many friends does she or he have? And try to remember the last time she/he had other plans for the evening when you suggested meeting up. If your companion’s schedule is always free, this means that she/he simply doesn’t have many friends. And you should be concerned about that. You see, lonely people tend to keep their personal life to themselves, and this may become a reason why your date may hide you from his small circle of friends and loved ones.

4) Awful friends

Usually, our friends serve as a mirror of our personality, but this doesn’t mean that we also share all the negative traits with them. If your partner has doubts that you’ll find his pals good in terms of some moral qualities, she/he might think about hiding your relationship from them. The same thing applies to the family. She or he may not be sure that you’ll like her/his family, which will become the reason for hiding your relationship from it. Isn’t this a stashing dating definition?

dating and stashingHow to avoid it

Unfortunately, you can’t prevent stashing. In case you get the feeling that your partner is hiding you from his world, the only thing you can do is have a chat with her/him. Just ask her/him directly why you still don’t know any of her/his friends. Then ask if you can ask her out (or if he can ask you out) to some common place. If you notice some hesitation, then there can be two explanations for that:

  • Your partner is nervous
  • Your partner is stashing you

Remember that your significant other may hide you from his friends not because of stashing. They may simply be nervous, and you’ll get the opportunity to finally meet their friends when the time comes. Also, your partner may be worried because she/he thinks that your relationship isn’t working out. If that’s what she/he said after you asked, then be trusting. Start with something small and ask her/him to introduce you to someone insignificant. This way, you’ll no longer feel stashed.

But if your partner is really stashing you, the chances that you get a true answer are low. Besides, your question may even be ignored. If this is your case, then it’s time to break up.

In conclusion

What is stashing in dating? It’s pain in the neck. There are dozens of reasons why stashers hide their partners from others, but mostly, they’re just afraid to commit to serious relationships. They are still scared to admit that they now have a life partner, and introducing this partner to family and friends is the main step towards doing it. If you have suspicions that your companion is stashing you, be sure to talk about this as soon as possible.