How Much Fighting Is Too Much in a Relationship
Fighting in a relationship is not beyond the normal. It is difficult to imagine two full-fledged individuals who live together, share life and never argue. In fact, such a picture even goes beyond the framework of normal human relations. Most often this means that the partners are not interested in each other or they are not sincere. Sooner or later it will lead to a breakup.
However, fighting in a relationship can be useful. The main thing is that it is not permanent and unreasonable.
Constant Fighting in a Relationship: Reasons and Outcomes
Fighting a lot in a relationship has simple and clear reasons. Check the list of the most common of them below.
High expectations
Fighting early in a relationship is a result of high expectations. Often, one of the partners thinks that later he or she will cope with the shortcomings of his / her beloved. However, after unsuccessful attempts, it starts to annoy both of the partners. Sometimes it's just enough to start accepting a person as he or she is and stop changing him or her. After all, any attempt to change someone's personality leads to psychotrauma and the creation of a tense, destructive emotional climate. If you are trying to change your loved one and make them subjectively "correct", then the success of this enterprise does not guarantee you anything but a disappointment. After all, in the end, you will communicate with a person who will speak words that are not typical of him or her and perform actions unusual for him or her. Very soon such a person will become a stranger to you.
Fatigue from each other
Are you fighting everyday in a relationship? This begins when people spend a lot of time together. Then all interesting topics are reduced to a minimum, there is more silence, disagreement, irritation, etc. That's why psychologists advise having a rest from each other sometimes.
Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the most common reasons for fighting in relationships. Everything seems suspicious to the jealous person: the better half comes back from work late, unknown numbers are calling on the phone, she takes on a too frank dress, etc. You can deal with it showing more openness with such a person and excluding those moments that irritate him or her so much: stop communicating with people of the opposite sex; together call back the unknown numbers; talk on the way home on the phone if you are late, etc. Although, this can lead to the worsening of the situation, because a person very easily crosses the limits of what is permitted and can turn all this into real espionage.
Stress
It can arise in connection with work, bad health, a misunderstanding with parents, fatigue, lack of sleep, etc. In such cases, there is often unreasonable criticism and a more acute reaction to everything that is happening around. Living with such a person, you just need to be patient and start to do something: give him more time for rest, help with the business. Start doing sports together (do not necessarily go to the gym, just do physical exercises at home) and eat proper food - the level of stress will decrease with each passing day.
The influence of third-party people
It also happens that others are not happy with your choice, so they try to "open your eyes" in every possible way. While you are protecting the loved one in front of them, you nevertheless unconsciously begin to pay attention to what they so zealously spoke about. And here comes the irritation and frequent quarrels.
But what if we say that fighting makes the relationship stronger?
You will begin to trust each other more
Many people have a completely wrong attitude to conflicts. If they know that a dispute can last for a whole day or even a few days, they will make every effort to avoid it. For them, this conflict is something like a natural cataclysm, which causes enormous damage to the "family budget".
Your task is to learn how to talk with each other. Do not say offensive things, but you should not also suppress your emotions. As soon as such a conversation happens between you, you and your partner will get a feeling of liberation from something painful. It will free you and strengthen your relationship.
How to Stop Fighting in a Relationship
So how to stop fighting in relationships? Some, more often these are women, during the quarrel quickly flare up and just as quickly calm down. Others, more often these are men, try to keep themselves in hand: insult or anger accumulate slowly and, only reaching the boiling point, break out to destroy everything on its way. It takes much time and effort to calm down in this situation.
In each pair, one is more emotional and plays the role of "approaching", and the other is more reserved and is responsible for distancing. Sometimes roles can change. Yes, there are also hot "Italian" families, whose dramas are observed by neighbors for years, and phlegmatic pairs, but there are only a few of them. In any case, the rules of effective reconciliation work for everyone. Even when you suffer from constant fighting in a relationship.
Calm down
To avoid fighting in a relationship, it is useful to express emotions, including negative ones: hidden anger and resentment, hurt, pain do only worse. Another thing is that the expression should be constructive. And sometimes before the "translation" of the negative, it is better to walk, take a shower, punch in the pillow or do 50 sit-ups. If the emotional background goes off the scale and you know that you will later regret it, do sit-ups and then start a conversation.
Make the conflict productive
With the right scenario, you must come to a decision that suits everyone. And this is the most important point. Otherwise, no matter how touchingly you apologize, a quarrel on the same occasion will soon flare up again. By the way, hot "Italian" couples often fall into this trap: the fuse disappears, everyone embraces, and the problem does not disappear.
Unfortunately, in addition to one-time conflicts, there are long and hard-to-resolve conflicts - when a controversial issue arises with an enviable periodicity. The mother-in-law likes to come without demand and set her own rules at your place? A loved one does not like that your work is connected with business trips? And you don’t like that he is throwing clothes? Similar stories, even if they are related to trifles, are annoying too, just like an untreated tooth. They undermine the relationship, taking positive and warmth from it. If there is no good option, choose at least a satisfactory one: such that at this stage (and not just at the moment of forgiveness) is acceptable for both of you.
Separate the problem from the person
Expressing claims, do not depart from the essence and do not go over to personalities: if it is a question of business trips, do not blame the lack of a sense of humor or recall the intrigue that happened five years ago. After all, your task is to find the right way out together, and not to prove who is right, who is to blame, and who is throwing clothes at all.
Apologize
And accept an apology. This is not so easy to do: in a constructive apology, everyone recognizes the blame for their contribution to the negative. Ask for forgiveness only for specific actions that you think are wrong: "I'm sorry that I said rude words," "I'm sorry for raising my voice." And be sure to say what hurt you: "It was not pleasant at all to hear that ..." It is wrong to apologize "for a tick" - in this case, the partner feels insincerity, and you, without understanding what is wrong, risk stepping on the same rake.
Do not ask for forgiveness to finish the conflict if the question really worried you: "I'm sorry that I'm jealous of you" or "I'm sorry that I cannot love your daughter from the first marriage." After all, you do not leave a chance to solve a problem. Besides, do not take all the blame on your own: "Forgive me, I have a disgusting character, I always spoil everything." Both are involved in the conflict, and both are responsible for it.
Do not rush
If both of you need time to understand yourself after a quarrel, stay quiet and calm down - that's normal. Do not artificially drag a loved one into a whirlpool of feelings or make yourself smile and go to the cinema - you will only make worse. You both have the right to privacy and reflection. The main thing is that it does not turn into demonstration and manipulation - when it's not the best time, but the extra attention that is needed: "No, no, it's okay, I'm not offended, do not be embarrassed, who cares about my feelings at all."
Love Fever
Is it necessary to end an apology with sex? Yes, if the "end" is not equated to "replace". Let's say that the cause of the quarrel is trivial, and the very quarrel can be called a trifle rather than a conflict. Then the output of accumulated stress will help to feel the partner, his love, and intimacy. But only if both of you are ready for this. If one does not yet want tactile intimacy, even simple embraces, the second one has only to have patience. And to make it easier, pay attention to other things.
By the way, the phrase "I never feel offended" refers to the same implausible. Being offended and fighting in relationships is normal, the main thing is to understand the reason and help yourself and your partner make the right conclusions.
Do not press
It is unbearably difficult for some people to admit that they are wrong. They generally have a difficult relationship with a sense of guilt. There can be several reasons. For example, often such recognition, especially for men, is equated with defeat and almost humiliation. Another reason is the unresolved conflict with guilt coming from childhood: when the child considered himself guilty in some difficult situation: for example, in the illness of relatives ("You behaved badly, your grandmother has heartache now") or the divorce of his parents. In this case, the topic of guilt is, in principle, very heavy, frightening and painful. If you feel that the words "I'm sorry" are too heavy for the loved one, do not force them. And if you cannot pronounce them yourself, try to express your feelings with actions. It works even better.
Unite
This one is the best fighting relationship advice. Any problem in a couple is a problem for two. Listening, supporting and trying to understand each other, it's easier to solve than to look for the guilty one or find out who is the boss and the main man in the house. The pledge of a good and long peace is sincerity and honesty towards yourself and the other, leaving no pitfalls for the next quarrel.
Wrapping It Up
Any conflict can be solved. The main thing is the desire of both partners and the ability to conduct a constructive dialog. Learn to admit your guilt and accept the apology of another person. Be attentive to each other's feelings and do not hold back emotions when it is permissible. This is a simple recipe for relationships without constant quarrels.
