How to Get Over Infidelity in a Marriage
Infidelity is a serious crime for most people, and this crime is not only against your spouse but also against love and happiness. Being led by their egoistic desires and cheating on their legitimate husband or their legitimate wife, the unfaithful spouse kills love and trust, risks losing family and happiness along. Of course, each family has its own characteristics. In some couples, love and respect have never been there. And yet, if you are legally married but cheating on your spouse, you are not doing very well!
After all, you not only deceive but also hurt the person who is not a stranger to you, who began to live with you not without your consent to it. But we are not going to blame and condemn anyone for infidelity. We just want to show you, dear readers, why people cheat on each other and what it leads to. And, on the other hand, how to get over infidelity. Perhaps, this article will save someone from unnecessary mistakes and help someone to forgive infidelity by understanding its main reason.
Spouses cheat for different reasons, but at the heart of each such reason is the desire to get pleasure – more pleasure. For this reason, infidelity is considered to be an egoistic act and that is why it is difficult for someone to find an excuse. Therefore, this is the root cause of infidelity. Then you can talk as much as you like about why a husband or wife cheated on a spouse: out of revenge, because of dissatisfaction, or even because of passion.
After all, when spouses cheat, they make a choice in favor of desires to the detriment of the spiritual comfort of the partner they cheat on. To rely on another person, you need to be reliable too. People must trust each other. But infidelity kills the trust. And this is natural. Therefore, when cheating, a person betrays oneself to a certain extent, since spouses destroy the foundations on which they can rely in a difficult moment. A devoted wife or a devoted husband will inevitably keep an insult within themselves that. Therefore, is it so important what exactly became the cause of infidelity, if ultimately it all comes down to the fact that the egoism of one person kills the trust of another person. Life won't be the same anyway.
How to understand infidelity
Some people cheat on their husbands and wives, just not considering it something unacceptable. This is absolutely normal for them. It doesn’t seem to them like an immoral behavior. Others simply do not understand what they are doing and what their actions may result in. If a person is overwhelmed by passion, then some instincts are included, which completely shut off their mind and therefore he (she) doesn’t know what he (she) is doing. Therefore, after a while, the person who has cheated regrets about what happened. Their conscience torments them, they repent and ask for forgiveness. Such cases are not uncommon. And if, because of cheating, the marriage also breaks up, it can be a very high price for someone who failed to take control over oneself when it was necessary.
No need to bring the situation in your life to a state where you cannot control yourself, so as not to make unnecessary mistakes. Accordingly, one should not allow their husband or wife to find them in a situation in which the probability of cheating on their side becomes extremely high. You shouldn't rely on honesty and decency of your spouse, as most people are not so reasonable to restrict themselves in getting pleasure, ignore their instincts with the help of mind. So, not every person is able to pass the test of temptation. All in all, people are not insured against making mistakes.
Another thing is when a person is absolutely okay about infidelity. It is already difficult to change anything in this situation. If your spouse feels normal about cheating, then you need either to accept it or to find another husband or wife if your beliefs are opposed. Do not try to change what has been formed over the years. It is very difficult to do, and sometimes impossible at all. Just understand that you can look at the infidelity with one eyes, and your spouse with others. There are people, who quite sincerely do not consider betrayal an immoral act. 
They do not understand why they need to deny themselves the pleasure if they want to enter into a relationship with another woman or man, while having a wife or husband.
Such people have their own beliefs, different from the beliefs of those who condemn infidelity and treat it negatively. It is not necessary to condemn them for it. They are free to live as they want. There are, of course, people who want to cheat on their wife or, husband at will, but are categorically opposed to cheating on them at the same time. For them, free love must remain free exclusively for themselves, while their spouse must remain faithful. Of course, it is possible to change a person, but this is a very difficult task, requiring certain conditions and in some cases quite a long time. It's easier to find another husband or another wife adhering to the same values and views of life as you.
How to get over infidelity and stay together
Firstly you should ask whether you can get over infidelity by yourself. People can prevent cheating if they do not create in their life or in their spouse's life such situations that push for unfaithfulness. Of course, it is necessary to educate a person from an early age, but some adults can change their views on life if you show this very life to them from the other side getting them interested with other values. For example, we know that not all people adhere to family values, not because they are not interested in them, but because they know little about these values. They do not know how great it is to have a normal, strong, friendly family. They do not understand what happiness is. And a man cannot appreciate and love something that he does not know and does not understand.
Therefore, before calling on a person to give up something, in our case, infidelity, one must be shown for what it should be done. It was already mentioned above that infidelity is the desire for pleasure, especially it concerns husband's infidelity and in order to refuse it, this is necessary to see and feel even more pleasure, which can be obtained thanks to a good, happy family in which people are honest and love each other.
This is the only way to prevent infidelity without prohibiting anything to anyone. The forbidden fruit tastes the sweetest, but to make a small sacrifice for a big purpose is quite acceptable for most people. And, of course, do not forget that you do not need to deal with other people as you do not want to be treated the same way. So, as you see, getting over infidelity is not a simple task!
Is it possible to get over infidelity?
If your spouse has cheated on you, you have two options – either to forgive or leave. It is not recommended to take revenge, because you won`t solve or change anything. Revenge will definitely not have a positive effect on your family happiness. You simply commit the same act and your family happiness will end. It makes sense when you take revenge on enemies, which shows your strength, the ability to stand up for yourself, protect your interests and sometimes allow you to restore some justice. Taking revenge on a partner does not bring any benefits, except for moral satisfaction, which dulls the pain experienced by a devoted spouse. Otherwise, such revenge is meaningless.
You can start cheating on your husband / wife too just for the sake of pleasure, and not out of revenge if family values are not important to you. Then there’s no trust in your family at all. You either forgive your spouse, with the expectation that he or she is aware of the mistake and promises to change, or look for another person who is more faithful and more honest. Yes, such a person is not easy to find, but possible. When there's a will there's a way. In this case, revenge will not solve anything.
How long does it take to get over infidelity in a marriage?
Many feelings arise as a result of our thoughts. We tend to believe everything that our inner voice speaks. However, it often exaggerates or connects events from different life situations in order to provide us with irrefutable evidence that life is over. Most modern psychologists say that it is still possible to recover from the betrayal of a loved one. But this will take some time. How long to get over infidelity? As long as possible, it lasts 2.5 years. Each of us has the opportunity to meet a new person for whom you will be at your best. You will forget about the past.
Do not let your negative thoughts poison your life. You remember the infidelity for a reason. Not because you are a bad person not able to forgive a partner or do not want to save the marriage. Most likely, your feelings are trying to tell you that some issues remain unresolved and that your relationship needs to be given more attention. We tend to see our partners as we want them to be, not as they really are. For some reason, we are sure that they think in the same way as we do. Try to see and accept in a partner not only strengths, but also weaknesses. Be aware of the fact that there is something impossible and unbearable for oneself.
How to deal with emotional cheating
The only desire is to turn off all means of communication and hide from everyone. The body unambiguously hints that it's time to stop and let it rest. And if you do not listen to it, it will still stop you or bring you to the hospital ward. Until this happens, we suggest you slightly change your lifestyle. These are fairly simple and even trivial ways, but try to keep them for at least 21 days. And you will be surprised how much your life changes:
Sleep enough- Stick to on a healthy diet
- Start moving
- Silence is the best rest
- Surround yourself with positive people
What to do when you can't get over infidelity
1. Take a hold on yourself
This is the least pleasant advice that may seem unrealistic. But we often underestimate the power of will. Its resources are not limitless, but it is even more difficult to control oneself in a state of mental or physical tension. However, willpower is sufficient in most cases.
2. Avoid the temptation
It seems too obvious, but this strategy is so easily neglected. When it comes to infidelity, the source of temptation is one person. Theoretically, it is easier to avoid one person, but in practice it can be a colleague, neighbor, or friend, the one who is constantly present in life. Try to avoid someone, keep your distance, and do not be alone. Do not fool yourself with the idea that frequent meetings will help the feelings to cool down. Avoiding strategy works when you are honest with yourself.
3. Remember the long-term effects
Psychologists have shown that if you succumb to temptation once, the next time it will be harder to resist. If you soberly assess the consequences from the very beginning, you are more likely to be able to pull yourself together in time.
4. Talk openly with your partner
This may be the most difficult strategy but reasonable for relationships. It’s not easy for a partner to admit that you want to change. However, your coldness and silence will not go unnoticed, and family members will try to understand what happened and what their fault is. This is a painful conversation, but there is hope that the interlocutor will be grateful for the willingness to trust them instead of making an act irreparable for the relationship. It is natural for a person to be weak before temptation. But resisting temptation is a sign that you can be responsible for yourself and your partner.
No matter how much we condemn infidelity, it will always be the part of our life. It is difficult to save people from what they are born with. In our society there will always be people with a good upbringing and a highly moral system of values with which you can build a happy family. And there will always be those for whom infidelity is the norm, when someone is ready to cheat on their beloved for one's own pleasure. In some cases, infidelity can and must be forgiven, because people are not perfect and not so smart to avoid making mistakes.
