How to Not Be a Nice Guy and Why You Actually Shouldn't

A good guy can be your relative who lets your wife manipulate him. It may also be your friend who is willing to do anything for anyone, even if his own life lies in ruins. This is a man whose life seems quite orderly, but then he does something impossible to explain with it: he quits his job, his family and goes on some kind of a journey. This is a man who upsets his girlfriend or wife with the fact that he cannot make important decisions because all the time he expects something that is about to happen soon in order for his life to get better. This is a man who knows how to avoid awkward questions and doesn't give you a direct answer.

how to stop being a nice guy

The Nice Guys are a generation of psychologically immature men. This is the syndrome of the last century, caused by wars, the absence of fathers, the growing number of divorces, and the upbringing by women who impose their understanding of correct male behavior on boys. Today we are going to find out the main signs of a nice guy and how to quit this vicious circle.

What You Need to Know About a Nice Guy Syndrome

What is the problem with good boys? Why their care and diligence remain unclaimed? Those are the main facts about this kind of people you need to understand to realize what is a nice guy.

1. A man without borders

Dating with a nice guy or having him as a friend is strange. They can be compared to fog or a cloud, it seems that you can see it, but you will never catch it. The easiest way to check the person is to ask, " Where are we going today?" And if the man answers, “Where do you want?”, he is just another nice guy.

In general, it is okay when it happens once. But what if it continues constantly? He manipulates you and always tries to predict your wishes. It can get creepy because a nice guy will study you carefully, or rather, thinks he is studying because he perceives the reality as a set of frozen forms or rules that he hopes to master. Do you like roses? Now you will receive them regularly. And if you try to refuse from such presents, he will say that you are cold and ungrateful instead of trying to get better or learn how to not be a nice guy.

2. Five stars rating

This is another ambush with good boys. They give you flowers, cakes, and repair your car, not at all to help or make you feel good. They are counting on rewards. It is usually sex. There are few altruists in this world, unfortunately. But our nice guys are a special occasion. They believe that they can be loved only if they are sweet enough, helpful, understanding, etc. How to spot a nice guy among men that are genuinely kind? They are distinguished by their firm conviction that there is nothing more to love them for. At least, women are unable to appreciate their rich inner world. So, nice guys sell themselves as a useful product for the women to "buy."

3. I love you, but I hate you

Good boys don't see a living woman in front of them. It is not a subject for them, but an object. And they enter into a relationship not with her, but with their fantasies. The creepier the fantasy is, the better because it again confirms their thesis that "women love only bad guys." Two equally unrealistic ideas about women coexist in them simultaneously: a woman is a Beautiful Lady who must be conquered and treated right (they think they don’t even deserve her), but if this beauty rejects them, then "she is the same as others and is worth nothing, I am better than her." They perceive relationships with a woman as trophies, and they do not feel the natural continuation of communication with girls.

4. Not fair!

Good boys have a heightened sense of justice. They strive to do everything “right” always. And with all the passion typical of them, they believe that this “right” exists somewhere. They find this “right” from time to time and begin to faithfully observe it. It can be a religion, power or some kind of higher idea. In this system, everything is very logical. Nice guys do not trust their emotions. It seems to them that it is safer to analyze something than to feel.

At the same time, they, of course, require a lot of reward in response. They expect that the Dear Universe will pay them back, and the rest of the people will be rewarded by default for good behavior. They are not capable of rewarding themselves.

5. Passive aggression

For sure. Since Dear Universe does not think to pay good for good, natural anger accumulates inside. That is why every good boy sometimes gets tired of being the nice guy. However, these people are not necessarily angry. They believe that it's completely wrong to be angry or jealous. The main thing for them is to keep the mask on, otherwise, you can upset someone or seem not good enough. Then others may get angry at them, curse them, or even turn around and leave.

But anger and aggression do not disappear anywhere. It hides inside them. Nice guys then passively punish partners and colleagues, they always “forget” about requests, provoke the other side to the conflict, are late, or behave inappropriately in serious affairs. Usually, they do this subconsciously, but who cares then?

6. Watch your hands, mister

Good boys are often insincere and manipulative. Manipulation is, of course, just a tool no worse than any other, but for them, it is almost the main way of communication. It isn’t true that they don’t know how to stop being a nice guy, they use this mask purposely. After all, what is manipulation? The thin line between intent and statement. Since a good boy cannot openly defend his interests and is not able to directly ask what he needs, he often feels powerless and hopeless. And complex manipulations seem to him the only way to achieve at least some of his goals in this world. All this secrecy and insincerity are also often unconscious. Because from their point of view, they are nobodies, and no one needs or love them. Besides, they are too ashamed of their real wishes to say them out loud. Therefore, all the skeletons in the wardrobe must be firmly locked and open conflicts avoided.

7. Sex

Good boys tend to have problems with sex, although they often deny it. They do not want to have close intimate relations, or their partners simply do not want them. This is because they lack the real sexual power inside of them. Physical intimacy for them is just a tool or a reward, you can later add yourself a few points for. They also see aggression as the only way to get what they want. Women are afraid of them because they don't feel the right energy in them.

A great man is a person who feels confident in a relationship, declares himself, argues, expresses his desires, and even insists that he is dissatisfied with something.

Sometimes nice guys can have problems with erection and premature ejaculation too. By the way, some sexologists refer premature ejaculation as well as unstable erection to signs of passive aggression.

What Is a Nice Guy?

Who fits the definition of Good Guys? You may recognize a person close to you in these signs or find out that you are a nice guy too. Fortunately, we will tell you how to stop being a nice guy.

  • A nice guy is seriously concerned about always looking good in the eyes of others and does everything right.
  • A nice guy is truly happy only when he manages to make someone else happy.
  • He avoids conflicts like the plague and is ready to do anything not to upset you.
  • He believes that only because he is good, sympathetic, pleasant in every way, and caring, they should get love back.
  • At some point, he realizes that he gets put down and is mistreated for his "goodness," but doesn’t try to change the paradigm, but just tries harder.

No More Mr. Nice Guy: Why Women Avoid Nice Guys and Do They Really?

To understand why women are staying away from these guys, you should know what the Nice Guy hiding from others.

  • Nice guys are full of anger. Because of the constant feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself and one's achievements, toxic emotions accumulate inside such a person.
  • Nice guys are cowards and liars. Because of the desire to be perfect and please women, they hide their mistakes, get out, manipulate and do not recognize the fact of a blunder. They can make promises to you, knowing that they will not care about them trough.
  • Nice guys are two-faced. They can behave bravely or defiantly, just to hide their insecurities.
  • Nice guys are selfish. They can pretend to help without waiting for a reward, but in reality, they help only to be admired.
  • The nice guys are passive-aggressive. They express their disappointment or resentment in a roundabout way: forgetfulness, tardiness, not carrying things to the end, or repeating what annoys you, even after promising not to do it again.

How to Not Be a Nice Guy?

Finally, we are going to talk about how to stop being a nice guy and which skills will you have to train or get rid of this syndrome.

1. Learn that it is ok to care about someone, but you don’t have to sacrifice

Nice guys think that if they do not set the world on fire for someone, they are bad people. You are not responsible for other people's lives fit. It is normal to care about someone, but this does not mean that you have to sacrifice all your energy trying to help them, just don't be a nice guy to those who don’t want you to. If you try so hard, do not expect the girl to sleep with you or respond in the same way. No one asked you for it.

2. Learn to say "no"

Another tip on how not to be a nice guy is to learn to stop accepting everything because you think it is the right thing to do. Your time is valuable, and you have to take care of yourself first. This implies refusing to help your friend if they are constantly using you, saying no to your boss to work extra hours etc.

3. Look through your friends

Stick to people who are respecting you and don’t be afraid to show your real self. Manipulating is awful, and if your fellows were with you just because you were constantly nice, both of you are not sincere. The best advice on how to stop being the nice guy is not to tie yourself to people who are not ready to see you real.

4. Refuse to be treated like a doormat

You are used to being perfect all your life. Does somebody appreciate you? You carry your anger at these people through the years. It is time to let it go and understand that no one owes you. Just next time when someone offends you, don’t try to please them even harder, stand up for yourself.

5. Realize where you are in life

Accept your emotional state and change for the better. Realize that manipulating people cannot lead you through life. Know your imperfections and learn how to not be a nice guy before going into the relationship. Then you will be free, and your life will get easier without wearing a mask!

Comments (1)
Passive aggression is definitely about the "nice guys." I once dated one of these guys, and he constantly suppressed anger to seem good, but then, it has spiraled into bitter quarrels.
13.03.2020 16:22
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